The Secret Diary of Elizabeth Swann
by twilight-pixie
Summary: This is a bit like the LotR Very Secret Diaries by Cassie Claire. If you're not familiar with those, then just know this, this story is...interesting. You have to read it to understand.
1. Part 1

**Um...I don't own any of the characters. But you already knew that.**

**Anyway, this is only the begining. I'll post the rest as I write it.**  
  
Day 1  
  
Saw Will Turner today. Suspect he may have a crush on me. Don't blame him. He's cute, though he's not my type. Perhaps if he had a wig like Norrington's...  
On a more interesting note, Commodore Norrington proposed. I was quite taken aback as I know full well that he has a thing for Daddy. Not knowing what to say, I used the old faint off the cliff into the water trick. Gets 'em every time.  
Oh yes, I finally met a pirate. He was quite attractive, though he didn't have a wig. I don't think he liked me very much anyway as he threatened my life. Ah well, perhaps if we meet again...  
  
Day 2  
  
Last night I was kidnapped by pirates. I'd hoped to see my lovely Captain Sparrow, but was instead faced with a crew of very handsome men. Tried playing hard to get by acting frightened. Apparently I was too good of an actress because none of them so much as hit on me. One did hint about me going to dinner naked though. I would have done so had the captain not invited me to his cabin privately.  
I was very excited, but soon learned that he wanted nothing more than to steal my jewellery and kill me. And to think that I could have dined with the crew instead. I bet they'd have appreciated my company more.  
  
Day 3  
  
It seems the pirates just needed time to warm up to me. One of them even nicknamed me 'Poppet'. Isn't that cute? His name is Pintel, and he's very nice, though I have to wonder if he and his one-eyed friend aren't involved.  
I very much like the dress that Captain Barbossa gave me. I asked where he got it, and he told me it used to be his. Honestly, I don't think maroon is his best colour.  
  
Later  
  
Pintel assures me that I'm the only one for him. He says that once the curse is lifted he'll marry me. I'm so excited! Does this mean that I'm engaged?  
I wish I'd paid more attention when Barbossa told me how they planned to lift the curse. I hope he'll let me help.  
  
Day 4  
  
Was all prepared to help lift the curse when Will Turner showed up insisting he'd come to rescue me. I think he might be stalking me. I told him to go away, but he hit me on the head with an oar, insisting it was for my own good.  
When I woke up, I was in a rowboat. We climbed aboard a ship, and were surrounded by more pirates. Apparently they're Will's friends now. He really has changed a lot. I might like him if I get desperate. Anyway, wigs seem to have lost they're appeal to me.


	2. Part 2

**It looks a lot longer hand written...**

Day 4 cont.  
  
Later  
  
Will hasn't left me alone since we got on board. I just know he's stalking me. Well I suppose if I have to have a stalker at least he's attractive.  
  
Day 5  
  
Yesterday Captain Barbossa's crew attacked us, and in the ensueing battle I broke a nail. I'm still mourning the loss. We lost the battle by the way, and I ended up back on board The Black Pearl.  
The crew was very glad to have me back with the exception of the one- eyed pirate Raggetti. He told me to stay away from Pintel. I believe his exact words were, "He's so mine. Keep your distance if you know what's good for you."  
Pintel apologized but said that was the way it had to be. He gave me a good-bye kiss and told me that Captain Barbossa wanted to see me.  
Barbossa was very upset with me. He said something about me being a filthy little slut. Who me? A slut? He said he'd thought I'd liked him, but couldn't understand why I'd gone behind his back with Pintel. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about.  
By the way, Will is going to help lift the curse. Isn't that nice? Maybe he's my type after all.  
Anyway, Barbossa made me walk the plank, but first he took my dress. Still haven't forgiven him for that. Very annoyed.  
Swam to a little island and spent the night there with Captain Sparrow. Had a lovely time and got to try rum. Daddy never lets me have any.  
Then Jack had to point out that lifting the curse means that the pirates are going to kill Will. Apearantly after they killed Bill (Will's father) they found out they needed his blood to lift the curse. They really are quite stupid. Well I didn't think that was very nice of them to kill Will (he did save me after all), so I thought we should try to get off the island.  
I set fire to the trees and rum to make a smoke signal. Got a bit carried away with the fire (I couldn't help myself), but I made it sound like I knew what I was doing.  
Then we got rescued. And who shows up but Daddy and Commodore Norrington. Apparently Norrington still wants me to marry him. Unfortunatly there was no cliff nearby to faint off of, so I told him I'll marry him if he rescues Will from the pirates. I figure if he does rescue Will, then they can fight over me, and if he doesn't, I can refuse to marry him. It's fail proof.  
  
Day 6  
  
My fail proof plan failed miserably. I'm engaged to Norry, Will is mad at me, and Captain Sparrow is going to be hung. Very disappointing. He's been so nice to me. What shall I do?

**Thank you for the reviews.**

**Pippin-kun: I love the Very Secret Diaries. I decided I had to write some for PotC.**

**Matrix Vampirate: I do plan to write some others. I think my sister started one for Jack, but threw it away. I don't know for sure. So yeah. I will write more.**


	3. Part 3

**Sorry it took so long to upate, but I was on vacation with no internet access (terrible I know). Anyway, here's the final part of Elizabeth's diary.**

Day 7

We're on our way back to Port Royal.

Norrington is getting to be a real pain. Am seriously considering jumping overboard to get away from him. Earlier, he called me (can you believe it?) "sugar dumpling". I can't stand him. Why did I agree to marry him? I think if I have to spend one more day with him, I'll shoot myself. Or better yet, I'll shoot him.

Daddy keeps saying what a wonderful idea it is for me to marry Norrington, but I believe he is quite jealous of me. He likes the Commodore better than I do I believe. Funny, I thought Norry liked him too. Wonder why he proposed to me. Suspect his mother had something to do with it. It's just like her to stick her big nose into his business. I only wonder why it had to be me.

Will has also become rather unbearable. He keeps giving me dirty looks from across the room. Very annoying.

Day 8

Back home at last. Have locked myself in my room to avoid Daddy. He's trying to be perky and act like my engagement is the best thing since powdered wigs. It's beginning to get on my nerves.

Besides that, he keeps muttering things like "I'm better looking than her. Why does he like her better than me?" It brings to mind some awful images, let me tell you.

Day 9

Jack is going to be hung. Daddy is making me go to the hanging. I think it's quite insensitive of him, but he seems to think it's rather funny.

Later

I feel so important! I got to participate in aiding a fugitive or something like that. I helped Captain Jack escape!

They were about to hang him, when Will did some fancy sword trick. Then, I decided to create a diversion by faking a faint. Honestly, you'd think Daddy would know better by now than to fall for my tricks. He doesn't.

While I had him and Norry distracted, Will and Jack made a break for it. Unfortunately, they ran the wrong way, and ended up trapped on a cliff. I took a side with them against Norry, and he got all dramatic about it.

Then Jack took a page out of my book and fell off the cliff to get away from Norrington. Honestly, who can blame him?

At first, Daddy acted all mad at Will, but then he and Norry exchanged a glance, and they both acted nicely toward us. Personally, I think it's worked out for the best.

Especially when that parrot pooped on Norrington's wig. You should have seen him when daddy told him. He freaked out. It was really quite wonderful.

**The End!**

**Thanx for the great reviews, Pippin-kun, Matrix Vampirate, PrettyPink, Mamorumi, ThePinkPanther, Erindi (I agree, Aragorn is so not gay), Topfenstrudel (Cassie Claire is indeed a genius, and no way could I ever write anything as great as the LotR VSD)**


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